With the lack of sleep and my overactive hormones, blogging hasn't been at the top of my list. Honestly, I'm not sure I can handle having a list right now. No one told me that recovery would also be emotional. I figured it would be physical, that was a no brainer. Thankfully for the most part physical recovery hasn't been terrible. Yes I'm beyond tired often enough, but my emotions...well let's just say I feel like an over strung Eeyore who recently joined an Emo band and is really discovering his emotional side.
I don't want to seem like I don't feel wonder and awe that Jake and I created the most handsome little boy ever. I do love when he is bright eyed and ultra aware of us and his surroundings. He makes beyond cute faces, especially when he poos his pants. He grins like he couldn't be more pleased with himself. And he should be. The kiddo poops at least 10 times a day. He had is 1 week Dr. appointment on Monday and instead of losing weight like most babies do, he had gained 4 ounces and grown 3/4 of an inch. So based on the diaper count and his doctor stats, we think we might have a future chunk for a son.
Labor was relatively easy. At least after I got the glorious epidural. I had about 2 ours of contractions without one and Jake kept asking me what it felt like. Well to be honest it felt horrific. I had really bad back labor. But once I got the epidural I was fine. We played RummiKub, I slept etc. It did give me the shakes really bad which wasn't fun since I still had them when I went home. And nausea accompanied it too. I was in labor for 10 hours and pushed for about 40 minutes. The most painful part was that the placenta wouldn't come out so they had to reach up inside of me (so not pleasant) twice and pull it out. It felt like my doctor's hand was in my ribs.
And now we're home. I'm trying to learn to let others take care of me. That's been more difficult than I thought it would be. Sometimes I feel great and sometimes I feel like I can't make a simple decision without having a melt down. It's really taught me how much I love Jake and what an beyond amazing husband he is. In the hospital one night I was throwing up and in the process lost all bladder control and peed all over his feet. And somehow he still wants to give me a kiss.
I'm looking at Rhett now and I'm amazed that somehow I'm a mom and Heavenly Father is trusting me to take care of him. I'm learning that we really do need to pray for charity because it is a gift and is very much needed in parenthood. I don't mean to sound depressed in this post. I just want to be honest. This is hard and I really don't know how I'm going to be able to do it sometimes. Maybe it's counting the small victories. All I know is that I have to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time.
Julia! I am so glad that you're hubby still loves you, even when you pee on him. Funny enough, I still want to kiss Auburn's face when she pee's on me. :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I still cry whenever I see the very first pictures of my baby. And I'm pretty sure at one point I said "I can't make another decision, you're on decision duty" to my hubby. It only lasted a few hours though. I have too many opinions.
Is your Mom there? Get some good sleep - however possible. My prayers are with you!
Julia- I think the reason no one tells you how hard it is those first few weeks is because over time you forget... and most of what you remember about the newborn days was how calm they were (even though they really weren't, but compared to when they are toddlers they are) and how sweet and innocent and trusting they are. And then you miss it and all you can think about is how sweet those days were and how you wish you could go back and relive them. I remember I cried non-stop those first few weeks. Having a baby is definitely not easy! But you did it! And how amazing is it that your body can do such a thing! Parenthood is full of ups and downs that no one tells you about but I can bet that eventually you will only remember the sweet moments of those first few weeks!
ReplyDeleteOh Julia! I wish we lived closer to each other. I remember going through those exact same things with my first. I am so glad you are so candid about it because there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I was so down and not confident at all in my role as a mother. The first two weeks Blaine did everything. By the time he went back to work, I had not changed even one diaper yet! But when I was forced to do it, I realized I could do it, and before long, I was better at the parent thing than Blaine was.
ReplyDeleteI had a really hard recovery last time as well. I had a complication when my placenta came out and my doctor had to do the same type of thing yours did. It was awful! It also made after pains really bad.
Things will get better. Don't beat yourself up over things. If you can relax and have a good time, you will realize how great newborns can be. Sometimes I am sad I didn't do that as much with my first one. So now I take every moment I can to enjoy my little Noah.
I will pray that you feel better soon. Feel free to talk to me anytime you feel down. I promise I have been there.
Congrats!! I am SO excited fro you guys! I am glad things went so well. He is a cutie!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your new little baby! We are so happy for you guys. I know how hard it is to have a new little baby, let me know if you need anything, it'll give you more practice letting others take care of you :). I know we don't know each other very well but I know how much I appreciated friends or someone to talk to, especially some one who's been through it. Good luck with the recovery and just enjoy your little boy! - Kristi Chase
ReplyDeleteHang in there, it will take time to stabilize. Sleep when you can, and don't forget to eat. And Jake should still love you even when you pee on him, I mean you did just grow his child, then push it out :)
ReplyDeleteLove Love
Wow, we were almost the same, I was in labor for 10 hours and pushed for about 45 minutes. I got an epidural for the last hour and yes-totally horrific.
ReplyDeleteIts ok to be emotional, here your hormones were ultra high and then drop suddenly. Plus it doesn't help when its 3am, you have to feed the little guy and then he won't go to sleep when you try hard not to fall asleep while feeding him. But before he latches on, he's screaming his head off-definitely have had some frustrating moments. Just know you're not alone.